News in Brief

Australian women are suffering from an eating disorder in middle age, dubbed as 'Desperate Housewives Syndrome', which is driven by the desire to look as thin as celebrities in TV shows, perhaps they should try watching less TV and doing a bit more exercise.

Chris Brown plans to sue rival singer Raz B for hinting he beat Rihanna because he is gay, instead of taking legal action why can't they settle it like real men with an old fashioned fist fight.

Pop princess Jessie J wants to change her trademark style because she thinks it makes her look like a drag queen, she clearly doesn't think she has the balls to be a drag queen.

A programme is to be aired highlighting the work of the Advertising Standards Authority. The show should last a hour but if you fast forward through the ads you can watch it in 5 minutes.

News in Brief

Robert Pattinson has revealed that he is tired of acting in the 'Twilight Saga' movies, I wonder if he's tired of cashing all the cheques he earns from making the films?

David Gilmour and his wife Polly Sampson had to evacuate their house when a World War II era bomb was discovered under their mansion last week, the singer originally thought it was just another brick in the wall.

Aircraft accidents occur more often than most people think, with passengers in private planes more likely to lose their life in a crash than those on a commercial airline, according to a report, I love the way reports like this are published just before everyone is about to fly off on their holidays.

Cheryl Cole has revealed that one of her pet dogs is gay, as he fancies the boys, well what does she expect if she keeps buying him designer outfits and taking him for makeovers.

News in Brief

A US woman's 80th birthday nearly ended in tragedy when she slipped out of her harness during a parachute jump, her life started to flash before her eyes but she safely reached the ground before reaching her teenage years.

A stray dog has become an internet star after running for 24 days to keep up with a 1,100-mile bike race across China, in China dogs that can't run soon end up on the dinner table.

While out promoting her movie 'Paperboy' at Cannes, Nicole Kidman revealed that the scene, which saw her urinating on her co-stars Zac Efron's face was real, apparently it was a piece of piss.


Supermodel Elle Macpherson has reportedly found love again, this time, with a wealthy British banker, I don't know what women see in these rich bankers.

A fire-breathing vicar caught the attention of the congregation in his Gloucestershire church, with a party trick that he learnt in order to entertain friends at barbecues, if the fire breathing didn't work he was planning to whip out his sausage.

News in Brief

Will Smith, who's daughter is merely 11 years of age, has revealed that he will not allow Willow to go on dates before she turns 40, I wonder if he's bought her a chastity belt yet?

Applicants for jobs with the Australian Defence Force  are being asked if they are gay or if they're good at sex as part of psychological testing, I thought they  meant to shoot their enemies not shag them to death.


Despite taking to the stage wearing a special necklace given to him by Elvis Presley as a good luck charm, Engelbert Humperdinck came next to last in the Eurovision song contest, but on the plus side at least he got a fairly early night.

A badly damaged pot donated to a charity shop in Bristol  has thrilled the art world after it sold for £360,000. I'm sure a bit of super glue and a lick of paint will have it looking a million dollars again.

A Queen Elizabeth lookalike was specially flown into Shanghai to greet Chinese shoppers at a local shopping mall, the Daning International Plaza, ahead of the Diamond Jubilee, I thought the Chinese enough fakes of their own without the need to import any.

News in Brief

James Blunt has revealed that he wants to become a judge on 'X Fact that's just what the show needs a trained killer on the panel.

Former porn star Jenna Jameson has been arrested for drink driving after she crashed into a lamp post, looks like life has gone tits up for her.

A Canadian man has survived being run over by a train after he passed out between railway tracks after a drinking session, the man has now vowed to give up drinking so he can try and get his life back on track.

Farmers in Cumbria are applying sun cream to the delicate ears of three piglets to stop them turning into crackling in the sunshine, it's stop them burning but local still say they smell like smokey bacon.

News in Brief

A vicar has left his church to become a full-time Elvis Presley impersonator, members of his congregation say they were left all shook up by the news.

The German town of Hamelin may require a new Pied piper because it has become infested with rats, who ever gets the job will need to get his own whistle and flute.

A 53-year-old man from Yunnan, China, was sentenced to life imprisonment for killing, skinning and making preserved meat out of over 20 teenagers hopefully he will be locked up in a cell of his own.

A New York hotel has the world's most expensive omelette on its menu, which will set you back 1,000 dollars, if a diners doesn't have enough money to pay for it they could be left with egg on their face.


Almost 70% of women say would sacrifice sex for the perfect bikini body how bonkers would you have to be to give up sex just to lose weight?

A pair of 69-year-old twin sisters in Amsterdam claim they have been working as prostitutes for over 40 years, it seems that a lot of men in the city still enjoy a good 69.

A Tokyo man cooked and served his own privates to five diners at a bizarre banquet in Japan, what a load of pretenious bollocks. 

News in Brief

A passenger was thrown off a Brazilian airline by a female pilot because he was making sexist comments about women flying planes, it would have been even better he'd been thrown off the plane whilst it was still in the air.

Police arrest young couple who buried an old woman alive believing she was dead after they hit her with car, police say they regard the behaviour of the couple as very grave indeed.

Authorities in Beijing have introduced new regulations for public lavatories stipulating that they should contain no more than two flies, this is to stop people betting on how quick the flies can fly around the urinals.

Police bosses were shocked when they found out that one of their girl cops posted pictures of herself in knickers on social networking site Facebook, they were worried she was displaying to much Fuzz.

Cheryl Cole has reportedly been offered 10 million pounds to be a judge on reality TV singing competition 'American Idol', presumably she will need to spend some of that money having elocution lessons.

When it comes to finding a mate, gentlemen prefer a woman who looks dumb and sleepy enough for a one-night-stand, rather than look for charm and intelligence, according to a new study, they just want women who are grateful rather than graceful.